I’m stressed. Today we’re releasing a teaser for the project that I could not be more stoked about and I’m stressed? I didn’t expect to feel like this.
My email is full and I’m running behind schedule. Today I should be hyped but all I want to do is run away to the mountains. Why do I sit in front of my computer at home when I could go to New Zealand and ride powder like I’ve done the whole past decade. Fuck this shit! But then I think: Antti, this is what you wanted. You wanted to learn how to be at home. You wanted to learn how to stay still and focus on also other things than just riding. Antti, you can’t run from this.
Emails keep on coming but I need to take my dog Taku out. I usually take him to a forest and let him roam free but today I keep him on a leash and just take a short walk. I’m not going to waste time since I’m so busy with my computer and shit. We go outside and Taku takes a leak right away. I’m like, already? We don’t have to go inside just yet. You still have time to sniff around, don’t worry. But do it quickly – we’re still in a hurry!
Taku starts sniffing trees and some dog shit and then I think we should walk for a bit longer.
Usually Taku is going so fast that the leash keeps getting freaking tight but today he is super mellow. He’s walking by my side and is generally happy. After a while I realize that I’m also feeling better so I decide we should continue.
Suddenly I find myself next to the house where I grew up. A lot of memories start popping into mind, mostly about snowboarding with friends when we were kids.
I keep on going and we see the apartment where my friend Matti grew up. He and I have been friends for a really long time, but I’ve never thought about it as much as today. Suddenly it hits me. We’re releasing something original and Matti is huge part of it. Without Matti and my friends Teemu, Tuukka, Iisakki, Jani, Miikka and Ilmo this project would have never seen the light of day.
My friends decided to jump in and create a documentary about something that is so hard for me. Not physically but mentally. I can’t figure out any other reason why they wanted to do this project but to support me. Because even if my problem as a person and athlete might not sound huge still at times it feels overwhelming to handle.
The walk continues and Taku is still acting nice. Memory about cleaning his shit with my woman Ella comes to my mind. Taku had a massive diarrhea last week. I mean the kind of where shit flies to walls! But now that also feels like a distant thing – like it never happened.
Then I think about Ella. She is the one who has been in the line of fire with this thing for so many times, and yet she is the one with the most support for my actions as well. She knows me better than anyone and has showed me that there are different ways to solve things than just by pushing hard. In the past I used to think that if I’m physically strong then I also become mentally stronger, but in this case I could not have been more wrong. There is no going around that the lifestyle I love so much has also created some issues in my so-called normal life. These issues are somehting you can’t get better by working out.
Me and Taku are finally coming back to home from a walk. It took me a good hour and a half to clear my mind. Even though I know there’s still so much to do, I let Taku run free in the yard – just for a bit. I freaking hate keeping him on a leash. Taku does not mind, but I do. I let him run free so I would feel better.
Then I sit in front of my computer and I smile. I write a reminder for myself:
Arctic Lights is the most important snowboarding project of my life.
Enjoy the trailer!